Presidential presumptions

By Bob Belcher

July 22, 2008 11:31 pm

— I couldn’t help but think about this while watching some very predictable political campaign coverage the other day ...
What if the presidential candidates — like baseball and football teams do — were to have a “throwback” campaign?
Like when the Cowboys or the Rangers take a designated game and wear their old, classic uniforms? Hot dogs for a buck? General admission for a couple of bucks? (OK, Jerry Jones won’t go that far, but you get the idea.)
What I’m envisioning is both Barack Obama and John McCain going back and adopting the campaign styles and slogans of the 1950s and 1960s campaigns.
We can even throw Dan Rather out of a convention while we’re at it!
We can all sing silly campaign songs, wear silly campaign hats and shout silly campaign slogans like “I like Ike” or “Don’t mock Barack” or “McCain’s the Man” — you’ll have to make up your own here for the candidate of your choice.
Obama vs. McCain — which would be Nixon and which would be Kennedy in “the debate?” One of them young, fit and personable, the other with chronic “5 o’clock shadow” and sweating a lot. That would be so cool to see.
Well, maybe not the sweating.
Which one of the two present-day candidates would be most likely to show us their surgical scar, hop on a horse or pick up a dog by its ears like lovable LBJ?
In fact, there have been no dogs at all! I’m not sure I could completely support a man who doesn’t have at least a couple of dogs scampering about.
I’ve yet to see a weekend at the family compound complete with knit sweaters and bare feet and a rousing game of touch football.
And, which one would assure us that “I am not a crook?” Of course, that wasn’t exactly a campaign speech.
It’s just that so much of what we’re seeing today in the campaigning is so orchestrated and staged that even the casual observer notices it.
“Didn’t he say/wear/do/gesture/clap/pose/kiss a baby just like that in the last news story?”
Why can’t we all just have some fun with this thing called “campaigning” now that the drama is really over until November?
Or, in the case of the 2004 election, until someone lines up enough votes on the Supreme Court.
I guess I’m really just suffering from “campaign overload” right now, seeing as how this particular presidential campaign has been going on for, oh, about three and a half years now. (I’m probably not very far off.)
I seem to recall having written about that before, back when I wasn’t sure if we were electing two people or 200 people, based on the number of folks in the races earlier this year.
But at least we’ve learned something this year — a new word! (At least it was new to me!)
The word?
Presumptive.
Yes, I know it’s not really a “new” word, but just how many times can you recall hearing it used with anywhere near the frequency it is now?
The “presumptive” Republican nominee, John McCain.
The “presumptive” Democratic nominee, Barack Obama.
I’m not at all sure I’d heard the word twice in my life before this summer, and now it’s in the news a dozen times a day, or more!
But you know it’s only going to get worse if either of them “tips their hat” as to who their vice-presidential nominee might be.
I can hear it now ... (or, presume how it might sound.)
“Ladies and gentlemen, join me in welcoming the “presumptive vice-presidential nominee of presumptive Republican/Democratic nominee ... ”
You know neither Obama or McCain will actually wait until their respective conventions to make those particular presumptions on their presumptive choices.
I suppose this campaign may actually go down as unique in one way.
It may be the first one that required both a dictionary and a thesaurus to really understand.
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Bob Belcher is Managing Editor of the Daily Sun. His column appears on Wednesdays and Sundays. He may be reached by e-mail at belcher@corsicanadailysun.com.

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