Published: October 04, 2008 07:03 pm            

Who let the dogs out?

Wall Street reminds me of our Yorkshire terrier, Dandy, who could be best described as four pounds of yap and fear.

Tiny dogs and people on Wall Street both react to every noise as if it’s the Normandy invasion, and it doesn’t take much for them to start barking hysterically, trembling and peeing on the floors.

Another thing these teacup dogs and some financial gurus have in common is that they tend to be very bossy and loud, despite the fact that they aren’t that smart, and you could fit a family of them into a sock (the dogs, not the financial people).

So, when the Treasury Secretary and the Federal Reserve Chairman started running around screaming “the sky is falling, the sky is falling,” is it any surprise that we got a lot of high-pitched noise and wet floors? Except Wall Street isn’t just one Yorkshire terrier or Chihuahua, it’s a whole bunch of them. Let’s say there’s 1,000 of them, and since this is more than a pack, but it’s small, yappy dogs, let’s call it a shrill, which is the sound they make.

One thousand Chihuahuas is a shrill.

Now, multiply these character issues by 1,000 and things can get hairy very fast. So, when the shrill of Wall Street Chihuahuas demanded that the government take down the regulatory fences and open the fridge while you’re at it, Congress and the president should have said ‘no’ and smacked them with a newspaper. But instead, they opened the gate and propped the fridge door open and let 1,000 greedy, untrained yapping rats off the leash to give shaky loans to people who they knew couldn’t pay them off, run loose in the streets, eat themselves sick on sticks of butter and chocolate cake, and make messes everywhere.

As a consequence, some of them got hit by cars and squished, many of them desperately need a vet, and there are a lot of angry people with poop on their shoes, looking at hordes of hurt, smashed doglets, and they’re wondering which idiots to blame.

Most people pointed to the dogs, which might make sense, if we were talking about smart dogs, like German shepherds or Australian shepherds. Unfortunately, these were reactive Wall Street Chihuahuas and Yorkies who are “dumb as stumps,” to quote a Chihuahua owner of my acquaintance.

Congress resisted the bailout for because they didn’t want to lose their jobs, and they thought they could stand aside and blame the dogs and let nature and traffic sort it out.

On Friday, congress finally got off their duffs and passed a bloated version of the bailout bill. This, after days of doing a bad impression of Scarlet O’Hara, claiming they were going to swoon or get the vapors if somebody talks harshly about the party.

I was standing there, yelling at the TV: “Loosen the corset, honey, there’s work to do.”

Sure, some of the Wall Street Yorkies and Chihuahuas will have to be put down, and others can get a $700 billion transfusion, but at least traffic is going to be able to move again.

The Dog Whisperer Cesar Milan’s motto is “calm and assertive.” Wise advice for pets and the animals on Wall Street.

—————

Janet Jacobs is a Daily Sun staff writer. She may be reached via e-mail at jacobs@corsicanadailysun.com. Her column appears on Sundays.

        

• Click to discuss this story with other readers on our forums.