By Deana Plemons
May 13, 2006 04:54 pm
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Parenting is arguably the most difficult job there is.
And it can be difficult even if the family structure is ideal, similar to a Norman Rockwell painting.
On this day when mothers everywhere are lauded for their roles, Anita and Darrell Smith are filling the roles of Mom and “Mr. Mom” (also called Dad), to five biological children, two adopted, and four foster kids.
May is Foster Parent Appreciation Month, and Lisa Burch, regional director for Azleway Children’s Services, wants foster parents all over Navarro County to know they are valued for the love they provide.
Children end up in foster care because they suffer abuse or neglect at the hands of their parents. Once Child Protective Services removes a child from the birth parents, foster care agencies are contacted to match each child with a home suited for his or her specific needs.
“We need families who are willing to open their homes to children who have had a rough start in life,” Burch said. “The number of kids coming into the foster care system is greater because of escalating drug and alcohol abuse by the parents, and there is no place for them to go. We have outstanding families who go out of their way to provide homes and stability to these kids, whether overnight, or for five years.”
Darrell and Anita Smith both graduated from Corsicana High School in 1985, but went their separate ways after high school. Years later, after he had three children and she had two, they reconnected when both worked for Westside Development Center. Their mutual love for children drew them together, and they’ve been married for 12 years.
Early in their marriage, the Smiths had a family member end up in the foster care system. The family went through criminal background checks, home assessments, and other red tape in order to have the child placed in their home, and become her family. Darrell also spent 10 years working at the Texas Youth Commission Corsicana Residential Treatment Center, where he received training in restraint tactics and counseling techniques. His familiarity with CPS, foster care and his TYC training made him an ideal foster parent for teens.
“We have a huge need for foster parents for teens and newborns, because they require the most care,” Burch said. “There are so many teens who have been mistreated, but the cases are not severe enough to place them in a residential treatment center.”
Enter the Smiths. Though Darrell’s children range in age from 18 to 21, and Anita’s from 17 to 20, the couple adopted two girls from foster care, and have four teen foster sons currently. Darrell is “Mr. Mom,” caring for the children daily, while Anita is only months away from being a nursing school graduate. The grown children come through every day or so, and the Smiths are surrounded by their own siblings, as well, who also provide a strong support system.
“We’re a very close-knit family, and they’re supportive of what we’re doing,” Darrell said.
Darrell’s daily routine consists of getting the children up, ready for school, and fed breakfast, then once the kids are in school, he does chores, housecleaning, errands and meal preparation. After school, there’s always a child with a therapy appointment, doctor visit, medication check, and then begins the ever-present homework.
“We’re not just baby-sitters,” Anita laughed.
“We’re trying to meet all their needs, and meeting all their behavioral needs, too,” Darrell said.
Having structure in the home has proved to be very beneficial for the children, who have thrived under the Smiths’ boundless love and caring.
“They are our family,” Anita said. “So many things they have never been exposed to or seen before. A couple of the boys were so withdrawn, they didn’t even talk when we first got them.”
Burch said one of the greatest rewards of foster parenting is seeing the kids grow and develop positively. Anita emphasized that while foster parenting is very rewarding, families should think hard about the decision before making a commitment.
“If you’re doing it to help a kid out of true love, it’s a good thing,” Darrell said. “If you think about doing it just for the money — don’t do it. These kids have been through enough. What they need most now is love.
“Another thing — some people think of foster kids as ‘delinquents.’ These kids have been abused, neglected and sometimes molested. They are victims.”
One child arrived at the Smith home with all his belongings in a storage box. For the first few months, he refused to unpack them, thinking he would have to move again. Finally, Anita convinced him to hang his clothes in the closet, because he was “home” to stay.
“Even though they will leave us at some point once they turn 18, our kids all know they are welcome to come back,” Anita said. “This is their home.”
“They keep me on my toes,” Darrell said, “But I wouldn’t trade them for the world. We are blessed to have the kids we have ... They recognize we love them, and they give us love back.”
Burch wishes Azleway Children’s Services had more foster families with the Smiths’ personality, who want to open their homes. She knows that though there are problems, there are rewards, too — and the rewards in heaven will be great.
“We have to teach the kids that some things are out of their control, and it’s not their fault,” Anita said.
“They’ve found their place here.”
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Deanna Plemons may be reached via e-mail at deannap@corsicanadailysun.com.
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