By Janet Jacobs
May 02, 2008 11:52 pm
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I pity kids today with their fashion choices. First there are the giant, droopy pants — a sad, debilitating fashion statement that makes it impossible to chase girls because teenage boys are too busy trying to hold up their britches.
And now there’s a new fashion trend that’s even more hilarious — eyebrow carving.
Apparently, the hip-hop star Soulja Boy started the trend by shaving tiny vertical lines in his eyebrows. I’ve seen photos of this young man, a baby-faced musician with what looks like bar codes over his eyes. In more recent photos, he must have gotten carried away, because there are a dozen more lines in his brows, giving him the appearance of only having half a brow on either side, kind of like that woman from Australia whose baby was eaten by dingoes.
Then, in response to this trend of shaving away bits of his eyebrows, some youngsters started shaving a single line in one eyebrow and three lines on the other, to represent “13,” which stands for MS 13, a violent El Salvadoran gang.
The reaction of school officials to this trend was something you could see coming a mile away. The principals of many West Coast schools require the kids to either wear a Band-Aid over the offending eyebrows, or to shave all their eyebrows off.
The kids’ reactions are also pretty predictable. They’re crying that they were just following a fashion trend, not communicating with gang members, and now they’re being persecuted.
I cannot imagine anything less cool than having a completely bald forehead, well, except maybe having twin Band-Aids up there. Eyebrows communicate a lot of things, and without those little emotional flags it means teenagers might have to, you know, talk to people. Can it get, you know, any worse?
I’ll bet the staff at those schools are just yukking it up in the teachers’ lounge every day at the funny-looking kids who look like they were standing too close to a barbecue flare-up. The really mischievous teachers probably keep “spare” Band-Aids in their desks to offer to kids who chose not to shave.
“Oh, I’m sorry, all I have left are the ones with Spongebob Squarepants and Wonder Woman. Which would you prefer?” they might offer, then excuse themselves to go laugh in the teachers’ lounge.
This trend will pass eventually, going the way of the duck-tail, the teased helmet-head, the mullet, the shag, and the Mohawk.
What’s absolutely crucial is for their parents to take lots of photographs, so that when the wannabe Soulja Boy is 50 years old and can’t be bothered to scrub the ketchup stain off his shirt, much less shave tiny, intricate lines in his eyebrows, his parents can produce Exhibit 987 of “how you were an idiot when you were that age.”
Or, they can give the pictures to the grandkids. Of course, the grandkids of 2042 will probably be parading around nude with their hair gelled into the shape of Roman fountains, but at least they’ll get a big kick out of what a dork dad was.
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Janet Jacobs is a Daily Sun staff writer. Her column appears on Sundays. She may be reached by e-mail at jacobs@corsicanadailysun.com
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