Published: June 03, 2006 07:48 pm      

Common sense left a long time ago

Common sense is the best distributed thing in the world, for everyone thinks he is so well-endowed with it that even those who are hardest to satisfy in all other matters are not in the habit of desiring more of it than they already have. — Rene Descartes



Maybe it’s me; nay, it is me, but I find it hard sometimes to understand why some people in our society behave the way they do. For example, how many times have you heard of some fool hiding in a store after hours in order to rip the place off, only to find they can’t get out after snagging what they were looking for, or caught in a tiny vent somewhere either entering or leaving? Peep this, gentle reader, how about tales of other geniuses and their buddies attempting to steal an ATM by yanking it from its moorings, only to see the back end of their vehicle left behind and the cops tracking them down via the rear license plate? “Stupid is as stupid does,” according to Forrest Gump.

From time to time I get some good stuff from friends off the ‘net that happen to tickle my fancy. This is one of those times. Tell me if the following doesn’t support my claims about the demise of that little thing called “common sense.” This is his eulogy.

“Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense. Mr. Sense had been with us for many years.

“No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

“He will be remembered as having cultivated such values as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn’t always fair.”

Sound familiar? There’s more.

“Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge).

“His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.”

Think about all of the warning labels we see on things these days, like lawnmowers, for example, which tell users not to place extremities underneath the rotating blades. Duh! Or how a product is not designed for use in water because of the possibility of an electrical shock, not to mention other warnings that misuse could cause serious or harmful injuries which may lead to death. I’m reminded of people who used lemon dish detergent to replace real lemon in their tea. Calling the late Mr. Sense! Anyway, let’s continue:

“Reports of a 6-year old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

“Mr. Sense further lost his will to live when he saw criminals receiving better treatment in the judicial system than the victims.

“Our beloved friend Common finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot and could scald her if it was spilled, then was awarded a huge financial settlement when she did it.

“Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion, his daughter, Responsibility, and his son. Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers, My Rights and Ima Whiner.”

I’m told not many attended the services of this special person because so few realized he was gone. The sad thing is not many remember him, which is the majority of the populace.

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Ken Hall is a Daily Sun columnist. His column appears Sundays and Thursdays. He may be reached via e-mail at kendubh1@hotmail.com.