Published: October 11, 2008 08:29 pm            

Turning weed into green

Last week, we had another major marijuana-growing bust, and I think people who see “Navarro County, Pot Capitol of Texas,” as a bad thing are looking at it in the wrong light.

I’ve got a way we can make this work for our county. First, we need the courts to cooperate a wee bit and burn all the confiscated weed on the same weekend. Then, we schedule a festival around it and call it something like “Doobie Days.”

Now, before you start pooh-poohing the idea, let me list the ways this can work:

• If you burn it, they will come. Festivals attract visitors to the town, who spend money and share in the fun. I assure you, visitors would come from far and wide to attend a festival built around marijuana and the legal torching of tons of the stuff. Our hotels would be turning people away, and farmers downwind as far away as Blooming Grove could rent out pastures for camping.

• Help the needy. One of the purposes of our current festival, Derrick Days, is to raise money for local charities. The big car show raises money for kids, the chili cook-off raises money for the hungry, while other charities and organizations benefit from selling crafts, snacks and games in booths.

Now, just imagine the free-spending habits of people who are a little loopy from inhaling too much burning mulch and you’ve got a goldmine in the making. The Guardian booth would have $10 funnel cakes and $15 turkey legs — and they’d sell out.

• Amusing sights. I’ll admit that one of my favorite reasons to go to Derrick Days, or the State Fair, or even Christmas shopping on Dec. 24, is to watch people. I loooove watching people, and yes, I mock them, which shouldn’t surprise anyone who’s met me even once.

Now, imagine a festival where practically everybody is high, and you’ve got a bonanza of entertainment. Of course, it would be hard to tell the stoned from the merely amused, since everyone would be giggling, but that’s not such a bad thing.

• Boost the local economy. It could be argued that Sheriff Les Cotten is doing more for business than anyone in the county, by continually forcing these weed entrepreneurs to keep buying new supplies — fertilizer, shovels, hoes, potting soil, tents, pumps and garden hoses. Now, why couldn’t we promote “gardening” as an activity at Doobie Days? Sell everything but the seeds and they might buy it. Hey, if some moron is dumb enough to get high and buy an $80 water hose, I think we should sell it to them.

It’s also a festival made in heaven for those who sell useless, expensive things. Just watch how quickly I can whip up a batch of “limited edition” $25 placemats and paperweights with “Doobie Days” painted on them.

Same goes for the local restaurants, which could stock up on salty and sweet foods, and make their sales goals for the quarter in a weekend. Almost everybody wins. The buffet people, like the Stockade and Summer Palace, might want to temporarily change their pricing.

• Local road construction. Look, both the city and county need more money for roads. As the Doobie Days weekend dies down, and the last bales have been thrown on the fire, they should have the cops line the highway and arrest everyone who even thinks about changing lanes too quickly. Everyone goes home safely, but the benefits are felt in our newly rebuilt streets and county roads. If they ticket enough folks, we could redo all the brick streets.

Times are tough lately, and we need to take advantage of our assets. Right now, our assets are in illegal agriculture.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you pot, make brownies.

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Janet Jacobs is a Daily Sun staff writer. She may be reached via e-mail at jacobs@corsicanadailysun.com

        

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