Corsicana Daily Sun, Corsicana, Texas

April 12, 2013

Hatchets, T-shirts, ducks and guns

By Janet Jacobs
Corsicana Daily Sun

— I found joy in Omaha’s on-line newspaper, Omaha.com on Friday, which had the story about the guy who flashed a hatchet at another driver before losing control of his own car and crashing.

The guy told cops that someone in another car threw trash at his Chevy Impala, so he sped up, turned on his dome light, and flashed the hatchet. The cops asked him why he wrecked out and the guy admitted that “he wasn’t focused on the road and was driving like a maniac.”

OK, at least he’s aware he wasn’t thinking clearly. I figured that out when he decided to express his road rage with a hatchet.

Speaking of weird in the Midwest, five fellas from Wisconsin are facing $300 fines for dressing a deer, according to an article in the Duluth News Tribune. No, it’s not what you’re thinking. The guys trapped the deer, then forced it into a yellow T-shirt before it escaped. The geniuses also filmed the fitting and put it on YouTube, so the Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources has plenty of evidence of wildlife molestation or whatever the charge is. Local residents reported that the deer was still wearing part of the shirt around its neck, according to the article.

Of course, I really want to know why someone would risk life and limb, not to mention some other more delicate bits, to wrestle a T-shirt onto a deer, but the article didn’t answer that one.

Speaking of wildlife and mysteries, security screeners at a courthouse in Honolulu found a live duck and a beer in a bag going through the x-ray machine on Thursday, according to an article in the Hawaii News Now.

The owner of these items came to court for an appointment because he has two felony assault cases pending. When he was told he couldn’t bring his pets, feathered or otherwise, he left his bag at the security desk while he went to his appointment.

I found this article amusing, but I kind of think the security guys overreacted. What danger could a pet duck offer? “Peck, Daffy, peck!”

Finally, we have the guy who tried to rob a bank at gunpoint Thursday in Melbourne, Fla. He put his gun down on the counter to grab up the money and the teller stole his gun. The man, a sunburned white guy in his 40s, fled on a light-colored bicycle, according to News 13.com.

All of which goes to show that it’s not the criminals who are interesting, it’s how they accessorize.

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Janet Jacobs is City Editor of the Corsicana Daily Sun. Her column appears on Saturdays. She may be reached via email at jjacobs@corsicanadailysun.com. Want to “Soundoff” to this column? Email: Soundoff@corsicanadailysun.com