Corsicana Daily Sun, Corsicana, Texas

Opinion

January 26, 2014

What’s in a name?

I spend waaay too much time on the Internet, but here’s my defense — it’s where the craziness lives.

Proof, you ask? Yes, I can do that. A guy named Stephen McLaughlin has set up a website, www.namemydaughter.com, to let the Internet suggest monikers for his as-of-yet-unborn baby girl. Each person can vote on a first name and middle name once per day before the baby’s birth April 2.

The winning name as of Friday was Cthulhu All-Spark. Because H.P. Lovecraft’s horror stories always make me think of sweet little baby girls, and well, who wouldn’t want to name their kid after a device from a “Transformers” movie?

Apparently, a lot of Transformers fans are on this site daily, because also in the running for names is “Megatron,” at number three.

There are a few relatively normal girls’ names, too. Amelia, Charlotte, Olivia, Camille, Sophia, April, Sage, Mae, Rose, Grace, and Renee are on the lists, proving that decent people with souls also use the Internet.

And then there are the people who proposed Zelda, Pond, Of-the-Sea, Luna, Le-Dash-A, Titanium, Doge, and Salad. A few of those I can explain. Zelda is a video game character, in addition to being the mad wife of F. Scott Fitzgerald. Le-Dash-A is a joke name. Doge is an Internet meme dog with funny captions under its photos. It’s a cute dog, but it would still be tacky.

Pond is the last name of a “Dr. Who” (the British television series) character. The idea clearly being to name the kid Amelia Pond McLaughlin, which isn’t completely awful since the character is a funny, smart, brave girl played by a beautiful actress.

Salad is a mystery to me.

And in defense of Stephen, he did put a disclaimer on the Website saying that he and his wife will have the ultimate say in the baby’s name and that it would not be WackyTaco692.

And then there are the celebrities who give their kids names but who don’t have the excuse of mass Internet insanity to fall back on.

Bronx Mowgli Wentz is the real-life son of Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz; Moxie CrimeFighter Jillette is the daughter of Penn Jillette (of Penn and Teller fame); Diva Muffin is the daughter of Frank and Gail Zappa (their other kids are Moon Unit, Dweezil and Ahmet); Fifi Trixibelle is the daughter of musician Bob Geldof and Paula Yates, whose other kids are Peaches Honeyblossom and Little Pixie. Paula also had a daughter with MIchael Hutchence, (a musician with INXS), which they named Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily.

So, suddenly Cthulhu All-Spark is looking pretty good. It’s all relative.

—————

Janet Jacobs (Her real name) is City Editor of the Corsicana Daily Sun. Her column appears on Saturdays. She may be reached via e-mail at jjacobs@corsicanadailysun.com. Want to “sound off” to this article? E-mail: Soundoff@corsicanadailysun.com

 

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