Corsicana Daily Sun, Corsicana, Texas

Opinion

December 31, 2013

I’m ready for 2014

I am sick and tired of all the cartoons, cards, commercials, and other depictions of the old year 2013 yielding to the new year 2014.

The old year always looks like a cross between Father Time and The Grim Reaper, wearing an elongated Bill Belichick hoodie, and all bent over from the weight of a huge scythe and hourglass. The old guy is always yielding to the newborn year, who is a cute little urchin, wrapped in a diaper, wearing a party hat, and tooting a horn.

Actually, showing last year as an ancient may be appropriate this year because, for The Little Woman (I may drop that name for New Years) and me, 2013 was enough to age anybody. In fact, if the year 2013 was a person, I would sue him for excessive pain and suffering and loss of ability to enjoy life.

Don’t get me wrong, there have been many blessing in our lives since we pulled up stakes and set out from Corsicana in January. We love our new home, we love the climate, and we especially love being close to our family. However, as an illustration of the problems with old 2013, I quote a paragraph from “The 2013 Trashgram,” which is my version of an annual newsletter every Christmas.

“We are blessed to have all sorts of medical services, including two large hospitals, within a few miles of our new abode. It’s a good thing too, as we have amassed a ton of problems during this past year. Without going into the specifics, I’ll just say we have availed ourselves of the following specialties: dermatology, radiology, podiatry, ophthalmology, neurosurgery, orthotics, cardiology, gastroenterology, internal medicine, and physical therapy. Also, we managed to toss in a couple visits to the Emergency Room followed by short hospital stays. Whew! In spite of all that, we can report that we are still able to sit up and take nourishment.”

Mark Twain once said, “New Year’s is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.”

The actual celebration of New Years has undergone a huge metamorphosis for TLW and me over our many years together. In the early years, our circle of friends took turns hosting parties (usually in a basement) that roared into the wee hours. At midnight, the kissing games began, which I used to refer to as “New Year’s Eve Roulette” — if you got to kiss six gorgeous women, five would be very passionate and one would have the flu.

Later on, in our empty nest, TLW and I used to get “starkers” in our hot tub with a magnum of champagne. Much later on, that tradition was replaced by martinis and a sponge bath in the sink. Now, we just look forward to staying up until midnight to quietly toast the New Year — she has whole wheat and I have rye.

One way to look at New Year’s Day, is that it is generally good for the ecology. I say that because every year, more and more people are recycling their resolutions. The trouble with making resolutions is that so many of them are unrealistic. This year, I have decided to only make New Year’s resolutions that I can actually keep. Here are a couple that will definitely be on my list.

I may not go in, but I will at least drive by our Community Fitness Center each day and I will honestly try to increase the duration of my morning walks.

I intend to exercise portion control with my food, cut down drastically on sodium and fat, and eat absolutely no cloned meat.

I will create loose ends whenever possible and start to procrastinate more — starting tomorrow. Actually this one is easy for me as I have always been a procrastinator — in fact, I was eight years old before I got a birthmark.

I will at least glance at the user’s manual before plugging the product in.

I am going to be more creative with my daily happy hours. The first item is to move the starting time up to 3 p.m. from 4 p.m. That is because of the change in time zones between Texas and Florida. Also, each Pu-Pu Platter must contain cheese, crusty bread, and fruit.

That’s about it for this rant. I hope any resolutions you may make for the new year are productive and reasonable and contribute to the good things coming to us all in 2014.

See ya...

           —————

Dick Platt is a Daily Sun columnist. His column appears on Tuesdays. Want to “Soundoff” on this column? Email: soundoff@corsicanadailysun.com

1
Text Only
Opinion
  • Bill Tinsley Resurrection

    I was 29-years-old when my father died of multiple myeloma, cancer of the bone marrow.  He was 53 years of age. Only hours before his death, I spoke with him. Our eyes met during that final visit, the same eye contact we had shared from my birth.

    April 17, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dr Don Newbury 2014.jpg It’s about time

    Some aspect of time steals quietly into our psyche in all conscious moments, and our use or abuse of it is central to much poetry, lyrics, scripts, conversations — you name it.

    April 16, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dick Platt 2014.jpg The Wonderlic Test

    Did you hear the one about Texas A&M’s “Johnny Football” Manziel testing better than all the other quarterbacks in this year’s NFL Scouting Combine? No, this is not the start of an Aggie joke.

    April 14, 2014 1 Photo

  • deannakirk.jpg Work Out? Bite your tongue!

    I've shared this before, but it bears repeating. I'm a lot like my late, dear Daddy … whose idea of “working out” was a good, brisk sit.
    Amen, Daddy. Me too.

    April 11, 2014 1 Photo

  • Letters to the Editor for Saturday, April 12, 2014

    Thanks for service
    To the Editor: The Blooming Grove Elementary School would like to express appreciation to several individuals and businesses that for three years have provided a “free” vision exam and eyeglasses for many of our students.

    April 11, 2014

  • Dr Don Newbury 2014.jpg Uncle Mort: For the Birds

    Personal experiences racked up across three-quarters of a century — including yips and yaps at lecterns spanning five decades — offer positive proof that many times, utter silence is preferable to spoken words.

    April 9, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dick Platt 2014.jpg One-liners

    For many years, in a previous life, I had somewhat of a reputation as a master-of-ceremonies and I stayed relatively busy at that avocation. I never met a microphone I didn’t like

    April 7, 2014 1 Photo

  • Deanna Kirk mug Gotta love a small town

    There's so many things to love about living in a small town. Why just last week I got to hang out with my ex-husband, his folks, his wife and baby at the Youth Expo. Then just a day later, I got to see my other ex-husband and his wife at the hospital, when one of our daughters got sick and landed there.

    April 4, 2014 1 Photo

  • Jacobs, Janet.jpg Weird foods on our shelves

    The Atlantic magazine reported recently that sales of frozen pre-packaged dinners are falling and Nestle is considering selling off its Lean Cuisine food line.

    April 4, 2014 1 Photo

  • Bill Tinsley Nightfall

    Under the glaring light of day we may fool ourselves into thinking that we are center stage, that everything revolves around us. But the night gently reminds us that we are, in fact, a small speck in the galaxies of creation.

    April 3, 2014 1 Photo