Corsicana Daily Sun, Corsicana, Texas


December 7, 2012

Nothing says love like disaster

Corsicana — It’s Christmas and for many people this also means weddings. I love a good wedding party, although I don’t like being in the wedding party, if you know what I mean. Bridesmaids have to work too hard. Probably better to be a groomsman, where all you have to do is tip a stripper or come up with a good hangover cure. Bridesmaids deal with a stressed-out woman under the pressure of her life and she’s dispelling it on her best friends because they’ve already had custom dresses made and they can’t escape now.

I really dig weird weddings, which sounds like I’m laughing at the couple, but I’m not. I think a theme wedding says one of three things about the couple. If it’s an off-beat theme it either means they don’t care about the rest of society’s expectations or they have a great sense of humor. A TV-show or movie-themed wedding means the couple can’t see 10 minutes down the road and so don’t realize how much their kids will make fun of their wedding album in years to come.

About a decade ago, it was all about “Titanic” themed weddings, which is just hilarious. Did anybody except me notice that the ship sank and hundreds of people died, including the romantic lead in the movie?

Of course, if you’re going to have a wedding based on a deathly incident, you could choose better disasters. I mean, how about Pompeii? You could have a wedding cake in the shape of a volcano, and everyone could wear togas. How awesome would that be?

How about a Cocoanut Grove theme? You know, the Boston nightclub where about 500 people died in 1942 because the candles lit the papier maché coconut trees on fire? Everyone could dress in tattered 1940s clothes, or firemen’s uniforms. The cake could be baked Alaska, or coconut cake with those fake flames coming out the top.

Or, if the massive loss of life is too tacky, you could go with a sad but bloodless disaster, like the incineration of Big Tex in October. Again, you could dress people in firefighter outfits, or just have people come in jeans and raggedy western shirts. The wedding cake could be decorated with corn dogs, and the groom’s cake could be a giant funnel cake. Now that would be a memorable party

It’s a mystery why nobody ever recommended that I go into the wedding planner business. I have plenty of ideas.


Janet Jacobs may be reached via e-mail at Want to “sound off” to this article? E-mail:


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