Corsicana Daily Sun, Corsicana, Texas


December 7, 2012

Nothing says love like disaster

Corsicana — It’s Christmas and for many people this also means weddings. I love a good wedding party, although I don’t like being in the wedding party, if you know what I mean. Bridesmaids have to work too hard. Probably better to be a groomsman, where all you have to do is tip a stripper or come up with a good hangover cure. Bridesmaids deal with a stressed-out woman under the pressure of her life and she’s dispelling it on her best friends because they’ve already had custom dresses made and they can’t escape now.

I really dig weird weddings, which sounds like I’m laughing at the couple, but I’m not. I think a theme wedding says one of three things about the couple. If it’s an off-beat theme it either means they don’t care about the rest of society’s expectations or they have a great sense of humor. A TV-show or movie-themed wedding means the couple can’t see 10 minutes down the road and so don’t realize how much their kids will make fun of their wedding album in years to come.

About a decade ago, it was all about “Titanic” themed weddings, which is just hilarious. Did anybody except me notice that the ship sank and hundreds of people died, including the romantic lead in the movie?

Of course, if you’re going to have a wedding based on a deathly incident, you could choose better disasters. I mean, how about Pompeii? You could have a wedding cake in the shape of a volcano, and everyone could wear togas. How awesome would that be?

How about a Cocoanut Grove theme? You know, the Boston nightclub where about 500 people died in 1942 because the candles lit the papier maché coconut trees on fire? Everyone could dress in tattered 1940s clothes, or firemen’s uniforms. The cake could be baked Alaska, or coconut cake with those fake flames coming out the top.

Or, if the massive loss of life is too tacky, you could go with a sad but bloodless disaster, like the incineration of Big Tex in October. Again, you could dress people in firefighter outfits, or just have people come in jeans and raggedy western shirts. The wedding cake could be decorated with corn dogs, and the groom’s cake could be a giant funnel cake. Now that would be a memorable party

It’s a mystery why nobody ever recommended that I go into the wedding planner business. I have plenty of ideas.


Janet Jacobs may be reached via e-mail at Want to “sound off” to this article? E-mail:


Text Only
  • Dr Don Newbury 2014.jpg Flipping out over flip-tops

    Somewhere between the admonition to avoid looks at gift horse’s mouths and the dangers of Greeks bearing gifts should be warnings about acceptance of gifts from offspring.

    July 30, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dick Platt 2014.jpg ‘Spilling doze count’

    My subject is borrowed from a local contributor to the Sarasota Herald Tribune named Bob Parkinson.

    July 28, 2014 1 Photo

  • Deanna Kirk Water Park woes

    I’ve come to the realization that vacations are not a luxury, they’re a necessity.

    July 25, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dr Don Newbury 2014.jpg Old, new, borrowed, blue

       Dissection of notes found in the pocket of an old suit isn’t easy. Maybe they were scrawled during the lull in a wedding ceremony, or to jog my memory of a joke for later use.

    July 24, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dick Platt 2014.jpg Spam french fries

    I saw a relatively disturbing video and article on Yahoo which touted making Spam French fires to go alongside your big old ground chuck burger. I just can’t imagine a basket full of these deep-fried cholesterol-loaded sticks, but there they were, bigger than Texas.

    July 22, 2014 1 Photo

  • Janet Jacobs Dumb and dumber in the blotter

    When it comes to dumb criminals, nothing beats the would-be gang of car burglars who tried to break into a car in Tampa, Florida, this past week.

    July 20, 2014 1 Photo

  • Belcher, Bob.jpg ‘Change’ — old "buzz word" shows up in our town

    If you pay much attention when you’re driving around town lately (and I really hope that you do — pay attention, that is) you can’t help but admit we’ve seen some “change” as of late. And, contrary to the political connotations that word will forever carry with it now, that “change” we’re seeing is good.

    July 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • Bill Tinsley Germany present and past

    Last Sunday evening my wife and I stood on the balcony of our apartment in Nuremberg and watched as fireworks lit up the sky.

    July 17, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dr Don Newbury 2014.jpg Where strawberries are king

    In 1949, when Stilwell, Oklahoma’s “Strawberry Festival” was just one year old, crooners were applauded when they cut loose with Dear Hearts and Gentle People.

    July 16, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dick Platt 2014.jpg My TV is held hostage

    Give me back my TV! The Sunday sports fare today is just pitiful as far as I am concerned. Over the past weeks, my normal sports programs has been rudely preempted by endless hours of Wimbledon tennis, the Tour de France, assorted motor sports, and the nauseating mega-million signing sagas of LeBron James and Carmello Anthony

    July 14, 2014 1 Photo