Corsicana Daily Sun, Corsicana, Texas


May 16, 2014

It's just criminal

We have to go pretty far for the stupidest criminal stories of the week, but it’s worth the trip.

Dean Smith, 27, went into a Barclay’s bank in Treorchy, Wales, on April 15 to change his address, then returned 30 minutes later to rob the joint with a butter knife, according to Wales Online. It might have gone better if Smith hadn’t just given the teller his name and address, but maybe he thought that clever disguise of wearing sunglasses and socks over his shoes might throw them off the scent.

A 70-year-old standing next to Smith in line offered him about $33 to leave, but it wasn’t until the robber heard the bank people planning to emergency lock the doors that he ran away. After all thle excitement was over, they locked up and made the older guy a cup of tea.

The butter-knife bandit was caught, of course, and sentenced to two and a half years in prison this past week. Smith told the court that “It was stupid and he was very sorry.” He just really needed the money. You gotta wonder about that socks over his shoes thing, though.

OK, slight change of subject, but only slight: It has been my observation that the difference between Yankees and regular people is their willingness to say things our mamas would virtually smack us upside the head for if we said aloud.

So, for example, in Ypsilanti, Mich., some yahoo had been going to the bathroom — number 2 — on a playground slide in the public park all winter, even when the weather was frigidly cold and he was just as likely to sustain a serious and embarrassing frostbite injury in his efforts to be a disgusting vandal. He did it so often that the police gave him a nickname “the mystery pooper,” and set up a surveillance video camera to catch him. Before they nabbed him with his pants down, literally, someone put up a big billboard stating “Help us flush out the pooper,” on Interstate 94. The interstate, people. Imagine it.

The Ann Arbor News reported Wednesday that the police “made contact,” with the pooper and it has stopped just in time for warmer weather. The article is pretty funny, kind of making fun of the Ypsilantians, Ypsilantiites, Ypeses, whatever they call themselves, but the best line was that of a city councilman who said he hopes “we can just put this behind us.”

God bless our Yankee brethren for being willing to put it all out there — verbally, I mean.


Janet Jacobs may be reached via e-mail at


Text Only
  • Deanna Kirk The times, they are a-changin

    A gentleman called our office early in the week, more than a bit upset.

    August 1, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dr Don Newbury 2014.jpg Flipping out over flip-tops

    Somewhere between the admonition to avoid looks at gift horse’s mouths and the dangers of Greeks bearing gifts should be warnings about acceptance of gifts from offspring.

    July 30, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dick Platt 2014.jpg ‘Spilling doze count’

    My subject is borrowed from a local contributor to the Sarasota Herald Tribune named Bob Parkinson.

    July 28, 2014 1 Photo

  • Deanna Kirk Water Park woes

    I’ve come to the realization that vacations are not a luxury, they’re a necessity.

    July 25, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dr Don Newbury 2014.jpg Old, new, borrowed, blue

       Dissection of notes found in the pocket of an old suit isn’t easy. Maybe they were scrawled during the lull in a wedding ceremony, or to jog my memory of a joke for later use.

    July 24, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dick Platt 2014.jpg Spam french fries

    I saw a relatively disturbing video and article on Yahoo which touted making Spam French fires to go alongside your big old ground chuck burger. I just can’t imagine a basket full of these deep-fried cholesterol-loaded sticks, but there they were, bigger than Texas.

    July 22, 2014 1 Photo

  • Janet Jacobs Dumb and dumber in the blotter

    When it comes to dumb criminals, nothing beats the would-be gang of car burglars who tried to break into a car in Tampa, Florida, this past week.

    July 20, 2014 1 Photo

  • Belcher, Bob.jpg ‘Change’ — old "buzz word" shows up in our town

    If you pay much attention when you’re driving around town lately (and I really hope that you do — pay attention, that is) you can’t help but admit we’ve seen some “change” as of late. And, contrary to the political connotations that word will forever carry with it now, that “change” we’re seeing is good.

    July 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • Bill Tinsley Germany present and past

    Last Sunday evening my wife and I stood on the balcony of our apartment in Nuremberg and watched as fireworks lit up the sky.

    July 17, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dr Don Newbury 2014.jpg Where strawberries are king

    In 1949, when Stilwell, Oklahoma’s “Strawberry Festival” was just one year old, crooners were applauded when they cut loose with Dear Hearts and Gentle People.

    July 16, 2014 1 Photo

AP Video
Renewed Violence Taking Toll on Gaza Residents 2 Americans Detained in North Korea Seek Help US Employers Add 209K Jobs, Rate 6.2 Pct House GOP Optimistic About New Border Bill Gaza Truce Unravels; Israel, Hamas Trade Blame Raw: Tunisia Closes Borders With Libya Four Rescued From Crashed Plane Couple Channel Grief Into Soldiers' Retreat WWI Aviation Still Alive at Aerodrome in NY Raw: Rescuers at Taiwan Explosion Scene Raw: Woman Who Faced Death Over Faith in N.H. Clinton Before 9-11: Could Have Killed Bin Laden Netanyahu Vows to Destroy Hamas Tunnels Obama Slams Republicans Over Lawsuit House Leaders Trade Blame for Inaction
Featured Ads
Twitter Updates