Corsicana Daily Sun, Corsicana, Texas

Opinion

December 14, 2012

Gifts that are never welcome

With only 10 shopping days left until Christmas I thought I’d dig up a few unique gift ideas for you all. Sadly, many of these were sent to me by on-line retailers. They’re real. Sad and tragic even, but real.

Whiskey stones, which are rocks (yes, you read that correctly, rocks) you put into your glass of whiskey to cool it, because ice melts. Granted, ice isn’t as likely to cause an emergency trip to the dentist when a front tooth gets chipped, but it’s all about priorities.

“Pets with Tourette’s” is a book of cute animal pictures with little word balloons full of dirty words. And it’s not as if there’s an angry bird saying the word, it’s actually a calm-looking bird, cat, dog, ferret and bunny saying the words, so it’s the shock value that’s supposed to send you rolling on the floor, except, after the first one (which wasn’t that shocking or funny), the shock value is over, and, oh fudge and fiddlesticks, I’ve spoiled the ending.

The WOW! Computer for Seniors. What makes it so wow wonderful, you ask? Well, it has buttons on the screen so you can touch them and it will bring up your games, photos, and e-mail system. Essentially, instead of having hidden folders, it has buttons that remain on the screen all the time. The sales pitch includes the following lines which I am copying verbatim: “ ‘Surf’ the Internet; Play games online!” Wow, indeed.

An outfit called TMart, which sells cheap stuff from very far overseas, offers gifts by category, so I clicked on the “teenager” category and found three fascinating objects: All are cigarette or cigar lighters — one is shaped like a four or five-inch bullet, one is like a genie’s lamp, and the third looks like a gun! Ha ha, because nothing says “I love you, kiddo,” like a cigarette lighter that has the bonus option of getting him shot.

Then there’s the Chia Freedom of Choice line, including Willard “Mitt” Romney, Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul and Barack Obama, each sale priced at $14.99 online. Gag gift or patriotic expression of gardening? It’s in the eye of the beholder.

I was going to mock The Photo Vault, by Sharper Image, as a $60 8G flash drive, but upon further investigation, I now want one. Yep, it’s a flashdrive, but it’s one with a spy feature that will suck all the photos out of any computer as soon as you plug it in and click “start backup.” I’d be a horrid spy because I can’t keep a secret (occupational hazard) but I still dig spy gadgets.

          —————

Janet Jacobs is City Editor of the Corsicana Daily Sun. Her column appears on Saturdays. She may be reached by email at jjacobs@corsicanadailysun.com. Want to “Soundoff” on this column? Email: soundoff@corsicanadailysun.com

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