Corsicana Daily Sun, Corsicana, Texas

Opinion

February 15, 2013

Thank a Texan

In case you were wondering, the Texan sitting next to you is a hero of the planet.

A European weather satellite reports that the hole in the ozone over the South Pole is getting smaller. The layer of ozone, which protects us from frying under the sun like ants under a magnifying glass, has been getting thinner and developing holes since the 1970s, but bans on CFCs in spray cans and air conditioners have evidently helped because now the hole is smaller than it has been in the last 10 years, according to the people who look at satellite pictures of holes for a living.

And who suffers more from wimpy hair spray and weak air conditioning than Texans? No one, that’s who. We deserve a medal.

There were a few weird criminal stories in the news this week, NONE of which involved anyone from Navarro County, or Texas in general, which chokes me up a little from pride, so I thought I’d share the wealth.

• A guy named John Wood, 37, was attacked in Wisbech, (in England) by four guys, whom he whomped while holding his take-out order of fish and chips in one hand. He kicked two of them in the knees, and punched the third. The fourth guy stabbed him in the chest with a screwdriver before he managed to get it away from the attacker and threw it away. He then drove home and ate dinner because who wants cold fried fish and fries? Nobody, especially the Chuck Norris of England. Afterwards, he drove himself to the hospital because he said the hole in his chest “felt odd.”

Well, yeah, a screwdriver to the chest will do that.

• An odd duck in Ontario is being sued because he plotted to steal a walrus from Marineland, according to QMI Agency news. The guy wanted to do a reality TV show called the Walrus Whisperer, but was rejected. The stealing of “Smooshi,” the walrus in question, wasn’t explained well.

I have a couple or a hundred questions about the plot, including to “how do you steal a walrus?” and “what do you do with it once you have it?” But none of those were evidently detailed in the lawsuit. Too sad.

• A registered sex offender from Hoquiam, Wash., was arrested for drilling holes in his neighbor’s ceiling and watching her from above. The guy got into the crawlspace above her apartment, then drilled the holes. It was her cats that gave it away. They started watching the watcher, which caused the woman to look up and see what was so interesting.

Finally, the cats rescue the girl.

           —————

Janet Jacobs is City Editor of the Corsicana Daily Sun. Her column appears on Saturdays. She may be reached by email at jjacobs@corsicanadailysun.com. Want to “Soundoff” on this column? Email: soundoff@corsicanadailysun.com

1
Text Only
Opinion
  • Dr Don Newbury 2014.jpg When 'breaking news' was fragile

    The lesson, hammered by countless journalism teachers for century(s), was intended to be cattle-branded into minds of aspiring writers who would go forth to inform readers about what’s going on in the world. And it was emphasized that “getting it right” was preferable to “getting it first.”

    April 23, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dick Platt 2014.jpg Highly questionable

    As you have probably surmised, I am just about addicted to my TV, and especially to jock shows throughout the day. I usually start my day with a couple hours of “Imus in the Morning,” just to broaden my horizons in the areas of politics, investments, current events, show business, and a plethora of other topics

    April 21, 2014 1 Photo

  • Janet Jacobs Technology versus common sense

    The gadgets of the future will include an internet-assisted backyard grill, according to news accounts this past week.

    April 20, 2014 1 Photo

  • Belcher, Bob.jpg Salute to 'Mr. Derrick Days'

    I can’t help but think back to the “near-death experience” that Derrick Days had 14 years ago, and how one man’s determination brought it back.

    April 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • Bill Tinsley Resurrection

    I was 29-years-old when my father died of multiple myeloma, cancer of the bone marrow.  He was 53 years of age. Only hours before his death, I spoke with him. Our eyes met during that final visit, the same eye contact we had shared from my birth.

    April 17, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dr Don Newbury 2014.jpg It’s about time

    Some aspect of time steals quietly into our psyche in all conscious moments, and our use or abuse of it is central to much poetry, lyrics, scripts, conversations — you name it.

    April 16, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dick Platt 2014.jpg The Wonderlic Test

    Did you hear the one about Texas A&M’s “Johnny Football” Manziel testing better than all the other quarterbacks in this year’s NFL Scouting Combine? No, this is not the start of an Aggie joke.

    April 14, 2014 1 Photo

  • deannakirk.jpg Work Out? Bite your tongue!

    I've shared this before, but it bears repeating. I'm a lot like my late, dear Daddy … whose idea of “working out” was a good, brisk sit.
    Amen, Daddy. Me too.

    April 11, 2014 1 Photo

  • Letters to the Editor for Saturday, April 12, 2014

    Thanks for service
    To the Editor: The Blooming Grove Elementary School would like to express appreciation to several individuals and businesses that for three years have provided a “free” vision exam and eyeglasses for many of our students.

    April 11, 2014

  • Dr Don Newbury 2014.jpg Uncle Mort: For the Birds

    Personal experiences racked up across three-quarters of a century — including yips and yaps at lecterns spanning five decades — offer positive proof that many times, utter silence is preferable to spoken words.

    April 9, 2014 1 Photo

AP Video
Bon Jovi Helps Open Low-income Housing in Philly Pipeline Opponents Protest on National Mall Hagel Gets Preview of New High-tech Projects S.C. Man Apologizes for Naked Walk in Wal-Mart New Country Music Hall of Fame Inductees Named 'Piles' of Bodies in South Sudan Slaughter New Yorkers Celebrate Cherry Blossom Blooms SCOTUS Hears Tv-over-Internet Case Justice Dept. Broadening Criteria for Clemency Chief Mate: Crew Told to Escape After Passengers 'Miss Meadows' Takes Holmes Back to Her Roots Biden: Russia Must Stop Talking, Start Acting David Moyes Out As Manchester United Manager Raw: Leopard Bites Man in India Iowa College Finds Beauty in Bulldogs High Court to Hear Dispute of TV Over Internet Stowaway Teen Forces Review of Airport Security
Featured Ads
Twitter Updates