Corsicana Daily Sun, Corsicana, Texas

Opinion

December 21, 2012

The gift of weirdness

This time of year my e-mail box tends to runneth over with weirdness, so I thought I’d share.

• The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile was in the Dallas area this past week. The press release calls the perky young people who drive around the Wienermobile “hotdoggers,” and states that “there are more people who have walked on the moon than have been Hotdoggers.” Not to rain on a picnic, but I’m not sure if astronauts who risk their lives in pursuit of science and advancing mankind’s knowledge should be compared to college kids who took a year off from school to ride around in a 27-foot weenie-shaped RV passing out whistles.

• Texas Ophthalmologists warn of flying champagne corks. They don’t have any figures on how many people lose an eye to cork-related accidents, but they sent out an e-mail describing in five steps how to remove a cork safely. See? Your mom was right, it’s all boozy fun and drinking games until someone loses an eye.

• Doctors Express, an urgent care chain, warns of “wrap rage,” which are the injuries people get from trying to open those sealed semi-hard plastic packages around stuff. Apparently, many of the injuries come from the scissors or tools people use to try to pry into the packages, while the rest of the injuries come from the sharp edges of the packages themselves. I believe those packages could easily be used to kill zombies in case of an invasion. “An average of 6,000 people a year go to the emergency room due to packaging-related injuries,” according to their press release. Oh, the humanity.

• A lawyer named Rick Robertson states in his release that Twitter, Facebook, e-mails and other electronic communications tools are popping up as evidence in divorce cases. He advises his clients not to publicize their extracurricular activities through social media. This is a quote from his release: “You do not want to see your private life on an exhibit in the courtroom.”

Truer words were never spoken by a lawyer.

• Some yahoos who teach self-help seminars to business people are offering some of their seminars in Dallas, Arlington and Austin in the new year. Among the topics is how to deal with pressure and stress, including “the seven specific symptoms that signal dangerous overstress;” identifying and defusing the 16 hidden stressors in the work environment; and six relaxation techniques to calm you down. So, people who are under stress should add 29 new things to remember?

They better hope their clients don’t bring champagne or plastic packages to the seminar.

         —————

Janet Jacobs is City Editor of the Corsicana Daily Sun. Her column appears on Saturdays. She may be reached via email at jjacobs@corsicanadailysun.com. Want to “soundoff” to this column? Email: Soundoff@corsicanadailysun.com

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