Corsicana Daily Sun, Corsicana, Texas

Opinion

December 21, 2012

The gift of weirdness

This time of year my e-mail box tends to runneth over with weirdness, so I thought I’d share.

• The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile was in the Dallas area this past week. The press release calls the perky young people who drive around the Wienermobile “hotdoggers,” and states that “there are more people who have walked on the moon than have been Hotdoggers.” Not to rain on a picnic, but I’m not sure if astronauts who risk their lives in pursuit of science and advancing mankind’s knowledge should be compared to college kids who took a year off from school to ride around in a 27-foot weenie-shaped RV passing out whistles.

• Texas Ophthalmologists warn of flying champagne corks. They don’t have any figures on how many people lose an eye to cork-related accidents, but they sent out an e-mail describing in five steps how to remove a cork safely. See? Your mom was right, it’s all boozy fun and drinking games until someone loses an eye.

• Doctors Express, an urgent care chain, warns of “wrap rage,” which are the injuries people get from trying to open those sealed semi-hard plastic packages around stuff. Apparently, many of the injuries come from the scissors or tools people use to try to pry into the packages, while the rest of the injuries come from the sharp edges of the packages themselves. I believe those packages could easily be used to kill zombies in case of an invasion. “An average of 6,000 people a year go to the emergency room due to packaging-related injuries,” according to their press release. Oh, the humanity.

• A lawyer named Rick Robertson states in his release that Twitter, Facebook, e-mails and other electronic communications tools are popping up as evidence in divorce cases. He advises his clients not to publicize their extracurricular activities through social media. This is a quote from his release: “You do not want to see your private life on an exhibit in the courtroom.”

Truer words were never spoken by a lawyer.

• Some yahoos who teach self-help seminars to business people are offering some of their seminars in Dallas, Arlington and Austin in the new year. Among the topics is how to deal with pressure and stress, including “the seven specific symptoms that signal dangerous overstress;” identifying and defusing the 16 hidden stressors in the work environment; and six relaxation techniques to calm you down. So, people who are under stress should add 29 new things to remember?

They better hope their clients don’t bring champagne or plastic packages to the seminar.

         —————

Janet Jacobs is City Editor of the Corsicana Daily Sun. Her column appears on Saturdays. She may be reached via email at jjacobs@corsicanadailysun.com. Want to “soundoff” to this column? Email: Soundoff@corsicanadailysun.com

1
Text Only
Opinion
  • Dr Don Newbury 2014.jpg It’s about time

    Some aspect of time steals quietly into our psyche in all conscious moments, and our use or abuse of it is central to much poetry, lyrics, scripts, conversations — you name it.

    April 16, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dick Platt 2014.jpg The Wonderlic Test

    Did you hear the one about Texas A&M’s “Johnny Football” Manziel testing better than all the other quarterbacks in this year’s NFL Scouting Combine? No, this is not the start of an Aggie joke.

    April 14, 2014 1 Photo

  • deannakirk.jpg Work Out? Bite your tongue!

    I've shared this before, but it bears repeating. I'm a lot like my late, dear Daddy … whose idea of “working out” was a good, brisk sit.
    Amen, Daddy. Me too.

    April 11, 2014 1 Photo

  • Letters to the Editor for Saturday, April 12, 2014

    Thanks for service
    To the Editor: The Blooming Grove Elementary School would like to express appreciation to several individuals and businesses that for three years have provided a “free” vision exam and eyeglasses for many of our students.

    April 11, 2014

  • Dr Don Newbury 2014.jpg Uncle Mort: For the Birds

    Personal experiences racked up across three-quarters of a century — including yips and yaps at lecterns spanning five decades — offer positive proof that many times, utter silence is preferable to spoken words.

    April 9, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dick Platt 2014.jpg One-liners

    For many years, in a previous life, I had somewhat of a reputation as a master-of-ceremonies and I stayed relatively busy at that avocation. I never met a microphone I didn’t like

    April 7, 2014 1 Photo

  • Deanna Kirk mug Gotta love a small town

    There's so many things to love about living in a small town. Why just last week I got to hang out with my ex-husband, his folks, his wife and baby at the Youth Expo. Then just a day later, I got to see my other ex-husband and his wife at the hospital, when one of our daughters got sick and landed there.

    April 4, 2014 1 Photo

  • Jacobs, Janet.jpg Weird foods on our shelves

    The Atlantic magazine reported recently that sales of frozen pre-packaged dinners are falling and Nestle is considering selling off its Lean Cuisine food line.

    April 4, 2014 1 Photo

  • Bill Tinsley Nightfall

    Under the glaring light of day we may fool ourselves into thinking that we are center stage, that everything revolves around us. But the night gently reminds us that we are, in fact, a small speck in the galaxies of creation.

    April 3, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dr Don Newbury 2014.jpg Marjorie Main, in love and war

    Folks with dim memories of World War II recall the “coming home” of troops, and attendant triumphal celebrations that reverberated around the globe.

    April 2, 2014 1 Photo

AP Video
Featured Ads
Twitter Updates