Corsicana Daily Sun, Corsicana, Texas

Opinion

January 25, 2013

Morons in the news, again

We had to go to Colombia to get this week’s version of stupid criminals. Three burglars broke into a convenience store in the town of Juan de Acosta, stole rum, canned tuna, sardines, oil, and rice and loaded them onto a 10-year-old stolen donkey named Xavi. Except, Xavi didn’t want to play and began braying, which is evidently beast of burden for “police, help,” and the thieves fled, according to the (London) Telegraph.

The donkey spent 12 hours in the police station before his owner came to get him.

Here’s my question: Did they put him in the impound yard, or the evidence room? So many questions, so few answers.

And then there’s the story that was right here in River City, when three geniuses showed up at the Navarro County Jail and ended up getting arrested for more serious crimes than they’d committed the first time. Two were trying to smuggle in drugs, while the third one just showed up skunk-drunk. They had misdemeanor offenses to start with and only had to serve the weekend behind bars, but showing up to the jail like that meant felonies.

I’m sorry if these particular rocket scientists are your cousins, brothers, sons or dads, but trying to smuggle drugs into jail? Showing up drunk to go to jail? Hopefully they’re attractive, because brains are not going to get them far in this life.

In keeping with the theme of animals and police, The Wichita Eagle reported this week about some mice that chewed into and nested into bags of marijuana in the Wichita Police Department.

This is an actual quote from Lt. Doug Nolte, possibly the coolest cop in Kansas: “We’ve got some mice that are stoners.” The bags came from some 2009 cases, and the clerks weighed what was left and resealed them. It’s unclear if this will help anyone convicted of possession, although having mice eat your evidence should be a kind of “get out of jail free,” card.

Speaking of... OK, there’s no way to segue into this next one, so I’ll just say it — a Canadian called the police because his date stood him up. The story comes to us from the QMI Agency newsservice, and was reported on the SunNews of Canada. So this Montreal guy had been talking to this chick on-line and they agreed to meet in Barrie, north of Toronto for the first time. He arrived, no girl, so he called 911 to have the cops track her down and demand an explanation. When he was chastised about misusing 911, he yelled at the cop.

This is all I can say about his mysterious on-line girlfriend: Smart girl.

         —————

Janet Jacobs may be reached via e-mail at jjacobs@corsicanadailysun.com. Want to “sound off” to this article? E-mail: Soundoff@corsicanadailysun.com

1
Text Only
Opinion
  • Dr Don Newbury 2014.jpg Flipping out over flip-tops

    Somewhere between the admonition to avoid looks at gift horse’s mouths and the dangers of Greeks bearing gifts should be warnings about acceptance of gifts from offspring.

    July 30, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dick Platt 2014.jpg ‘Spilling doze count’

    My subject is borrowed from a local contributor to the Sarasota Herald Tribune named Bob Parkinson.

    July 28, 2014 1 Photo

  • Deanna Kirk Water Park woes

    I’ve come to the realization that vacations are not a luxury, they’re a necessity.

    July 25, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dr Don Newbury 2014.jpg Old, new, borrowed, blue

       Dissection of notes found in the pocket of an old suit isn’t easy. Maybe they were scrawled during the lull in a wedding ceremony, or to jog my memory of a joke for later use.

    July 24, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dick Platt 2014.jpg Spam french fries

    I saw a relatively disturbing video and article on Yahoo which touted making Spam French fires to go alongside your big old ground chuck burger. I just can’t imagine a basket full of these deep-fried cholesterol-loaded sticks, but there they were, bigger than Texas.

    July 22, 2014 1 Photo

  • Janet Jacobs Dumb and dumber in the blotter

    When it comes to dumb criminals, nothing beats the would-be gang of car burglars who tried to break into a car in Tampa, Florida, this past week.

    July 20, 2014 1 Photo

  • Belcher, Bob.jpg ‘Change’ — old "buzz word" shows up in our town

    If you pay much attention when you’re driving around town lately (and I really hope that you do — pay attention, that is) you can’t help but admit we’ve seen some “change” as of late. And, contrary to the political connotations that word will forever carry with it now, that “change” we’re seeing is good.

    July 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • Bill Tinsley Germany present and past

    Last Sunday evening my wife and I stood on the balcony of our apartment in Nuremberg and watched as fireworks lit up the sky.

    July 17, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dr Don Newbury 2014.jpg Where strawberries are king

    In 1949, when Stilwell, Oklahoma’s “Strawberry Festival” was just one year old, crooners were applauded when they cut loose with Dear Hearts and Gentle People.

    July 16, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dick Platt 2014.jpg My TV is held hostage

    Give me back my TV! The Sunday sports fare today is just pitiful as far as I am concerned. Over the past weeks, my normal sports programs has been rudely preempted by endless hours of Wimbledon tennis, the Tour de France, assorted motor sports, and the nauseating mega-million signing sagas of LeBron James and Carmello Anthony

    July 14, 2014 1 Photo