Corsicana Daily Sun, Corsicana, Texas

July 28, 2013

Royal baby on board

By Janet Jacobs
Corsicana Daily Sun

— So, there’s a new baby in the world, but this one came with baggage. Tiny expensive Louis Vuitton luggage.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for Kate and Prince William. Good for them. But I’m getting a little creeped out by all the hype.

I’m younger than Prince Charles, so I don’t recall his being born. I’m sure it was accompanied by various fanfare and hoopla. “The future king, pip pip cheerio and all that.”

All I remember from William’s birth was a shy Diana and homely Charles looking happy and there were pictures about a month later that were just lovely. If the press went cookoo for royal cocoa puffs back then I didn’t watch it.

My own theory is that the Queen is taking some sort of elixer that keeps her alive and is never going to die, which means that at this point they’re just stockpiling royal kids.

At least some of them went out and got real jobs and lives. Andrew went into the Navy or something, as did the ginger-haired one, Harry, William’s trouble-making younger brother.

If Eugenia and whatserface got jobs beyond wearing ridiculous hats I don’t know about it.

Our office was waiting for the latest Weiner debacle press conference Tuesday so we had the television news on much of the afternoon and it was just embarrassing. I found myself trying to write about crime in our small community while alternately wincing and chuckling at the way reporters were slobbering at the feet of these people.

I’m in Thomas Jefferson’s camp when it comes to rulers. We’re done with them. Our third president called this queen’s multiple-great-grandpa a despot and basically gave him the royal bird on paper, and now we’re getting all goofy because that line of inbreeders had a kid?

Ironically, even Great Britain got tired of them and basically turned them into a dog and pony show that has no power other than symbolic. Which makes all this hoopla even more bizarre.

Maybe it’s just nostalgia for a simpler time when we grubbed around in the dirt and our biggest fear was the Black Plague coming to our village, but I suspect it’s more about image. We like celebrities, but celebrities are just so fleeting. Let’s face it, Justin Bieber just isn’t doing it for most of us anymore. But the British version of Idiots in the Limelight works year in and year out.

Still, watching a guy on CNN who claimed to be an obstetric expert on the royals made me wonder: “Do you put that on your business card?”

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Janet Jacobs is City Editor of the Daily Sun. Her column appears on Saturdays. She may be reached via email at jjacobs@corsicanadailysun.com. Want to “sound off” to this column? Email: Soundoff@corsicanadailysun.com