Corsicana Daily Sun, Corsicana, Texas

August 18, 2013

You’re really smart, comparatively

By Janet Jacobs
Corsicana Daily Sun

— I’m woefully behind on my “stupid stuff in the news,” so here’s a smattering:

• A 23-year-old robber in Springfield stole a computer, a camera and a ring before making his escape on a scooter then tried to disguise himself by having another guy cut off his dreadlocks, according to The (San Luis Obispo) Tribune. Except, the would-be thief forgot that he had some pretty identifying tattoos, including one on his face. Yes, he had a St. Louis Cardinals tattoo on his cheekbone, which the victim described perfectly. If only all criminals were so obliging.

• A 73-year-old Lancaster, Ohio, gun safety instructor shot a 26-year-old student in the arm last Saturday while demonstrating something, according to KMOV.com. Some of the other students were nurses, and they helped stabilize the guy before he was taken to the hospital. When that teacher says “stop clowning around,” he means it.

• A 22-year-old who got the wrong credit card back at a restaurant while having a birthday dinner out was arrested after she left the restaurant and went to a mall for a shopping spree, according to CBS San Francisco. The restaurant used their security camera to ID her then the owner of the card went over to the mall, found her and called police. So, her birthday didn’t quite end the way she thought it would.

• Joshua Hoggan, the 18-year-old running for mayor of Roy, Utah, says he’s rehabilitated since he threatened to blow up his high school a year and a half ago. He admits to having made mistakes and being human, according to the Associated Press. I think they should elect him. It would certainly spice up council meetings.

• A 29-year-old College Station man who claimed to be the president’s newly adopted son tried to access Michelle Obama’s bank account at a Bryan bank where she did not have a bank account this past week. The guy told the teller he was adopted through Facebook, according to the Houston Chronicle. When arrested, he was found with a bag of pot in his pocket. It’s shocking that such a well-thought-out crime didn’t work.

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Janet Jacobs is City Editor of the Corsicana Daily Sun. Her column appears on Saturdays. She may be reached via email at jjacobs@corsicanadailysun.com. Want to “Soundoff” to this article? Email: soundoff@corsicanadailysun.com