Corsicana Daily Sun, Corsicana, Texas

September 8, 2013

Comedy Gold

By Janet Jacobs
Corsicana Daily Sun

— I have one of the best jobs in America right up there with that guy who taste-tests Dryer’s ice cream because part of my job each week is to troll the Internet looking for stuff that amuses me.

Everyone else has to do it for free.

On DogShaming.com I found the story of Milo, a terrier-looking dog with a shiny brown coat and an embarrassed look on its face sitting in a dog basket. Milo’s explanation of why he deserves to be shamed? “I ripped the leash away to chase a skunk. Dad lunged after me and fell. The skunk squirted him in his eyes and up his nostrils. He vomited and threw up in the neighbor’s driveway and couldn’t find me because he was blinded for several minutes. I got a trip to the groomer the next day, that’s why I look so fine. Dad took a “skunk day,” off work.”

First, Milo’s “Dad” is the nicest, coolest human in the world because Milo is clearly a handful. Skunk up the nose and in the eyes from ground level? That’s the kind of thing that the U.N. forbids by international treaty because it’s too inhumane. But this guy’s reaction was to show mercy both to his bad dog and then to his co-workers, and then was able to laugh about it.

I also spend a lot of time on Fark.com, which gathers humorous and weird news articles from around the world.

Fark is how I found the article on Oklahoma City’s KFOR-TV in which a pantless female burglar broke into a suburban home and ate the family’s milk and cookies. The woman of the house confronted the thief who identified herself as “Michelle,” which is a rookie mistake for a burglar, along with losing your pants as you try to shimmy in the window. When the woman ran to get her husband, the thief disappeared. Police arrested “Michelle” 10 minutes later.

If you didn’t see the photo of the Vicksburg, Miss., guy who caught the giant alligator Sunday, it’s worth booting up the computer because that’s just frightening. The critter was about 12-foot long and weighed 727 pounds. The guy who got credit for it said he was going to make it into boots and wallets. I’m not judging, because I like nice footwear as much as the next woman, but he fought a 700-pound prehistoric lizard. Maybe he could try to sound a little less like Carrie from “Sex and the City,” and a little more like Indiana Jones?

Fark also linked to a story on the Canadian news service CBC which described how Canada’s last diplomat snuck out of Iran. It’s interesting, but what amused me more was that once all their people were out, then Canada tried to kick the Iranians out of Canada and couldn’t find them. In the end, they sent a guy around to stick a note on the Iranian embassy’s door giving them five days to clear out.

The guy who gets to give Iranian diplomats the boot? He may have the best job in the world. I’d do that for free.

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Janet Jacobs is City Editor of the Daily Sun. Her column appears on Saturdays. She may be reached via email at jjacobs@corsicanadailysun.com. Want to “Soundoff” to this article? Email: soundoff@corsicanadailysun.com