Corsicana Daily Sun, Corsicana, Texas


January 3, 2014

Morgan: A look ahead to 2014

Corsicana — Well, it’s 2014, and what does everyone in the newspaper business do in each and every New Year? It has to be one of two things: Either you look at the past year in review, or you make predictions for the upcoming year. Since the Cowboys, the Mavericks, the Rangers, the Stars and the CHS Tiger football team all failed to make the playoffs, reviewing 2013 wouldn’t be much fun. And, since one of my many skills is prognostication, I thought I’d give you a preview of just what is coming in 2014.

For the past few years, I thought Jerry Jones resembled an Egyptian mummy. I was wrong. He’s not a mummy. This year we will discover that Jerry is really a zombie, one of the walking dead. That explains a lot. Every time a new assistant coach or scout is hired, Jerry eats their brains.

That definitely explains running six times in the second half against Green Bay with a huge lead. It also clears up why they failed to draft a single defensive lineman in 2013.

Over the years you have seen me rant and rave about the BCS and their computer. Some of the annual matchups their laptop has come up with were more than mystifying. Sometime in the next few months we will learn one of the two following possibilities.

Either the NSA has hacked their computer and programed the bowl pairings, or…(and this is what I think really happened)…it will come out that the same company that programed the Obamacare website also programed the BCS computer.” If you like your national champion, you can keep your national champion.”

Nick Saban, Jimbo Fisher and Art Briles all have new long term contracts. When the University of Texas breaks out its checkbook, we will find out just how ironclad those contracts are. “If you like your head coach, you can keep your head coach.”

Jerry will keep Jason Garrett as the Cowboy’s head coach. He has too much invested in him. It’s too hard to find someone who can get to 8-8 every year. Besides, after three years, have you noticed: When Jason speaks; you can hardly even see Jerry’s lips move?

Monte Kiffen will decide to retire and take his Tampa Two back to the beach in Tampa. Rob Marinelli will be offered the defensive coordinator’s job but will turn it down in favor of moving to Tampa to bring drinks with little umbrellas to Monte Kiffen. Bill Callahan will stay on as the offensive coordinator.

 However, since he stays in the press box, you won’t be able to see if he is sending down the plays. When they show the owner’s box, see if you can spot Jerry in a headset.

With the Ranger’s everyday lineup set, the question will turn to the rotation.

My crystal ball says Colby Lewis is done, and that Matt Harrison will once again be on the disabled list. I see a rotation of Yu, Derek Holland, Martin Perez, Nick Tepesch and Robbie Ross. I see a battle between Nefti and Ogando for the closer spot.

And, prior to the trade deadline, I see a trade moving Mark Price into the rotation with Robbie Ross going back to the bullpen. Nah, that makes too much sense.

I foresee the Stars signing more players with names I cannot pronounce, but that Jon Ketcham will not only be able to pronounce them but spell them as well.

It will come out before the NBA season ends, that Dirk has a secret patent on his one legged fall away shot. The big German will then sue LeBron, Kobe and Kevin Durant for patent infringement. He will win his case in the Bundesgerichtshof (the Supreme Court of Germany).

Of course, when Kobe takes the stand, his defense will be, “I know nothing, NOTHIIIING!”

Islamic terrorists will have plans to disrupt this year’s Winter Olympics in Russia. There have already warmed up with a couple of bombings nearby. When they bombed us, all we did was invade Afghanistan and Iraq. The Russians aren’t nearly as nice. Vladimir Putin doesn’t go in for diplomacy nearly as much as we do. If they think Gitmo is bad, wait until they get a dose of Siberia in January. They don’t even read Russian citizens their rights. Waterboarding will be something they get to do a recess. Radical Islamists who poke at Russia would probably poke a Siberian tiger with a sharp stick. I think they have probably been inhaling a little too much on their hookahs.

My attorney warns me that I must inform you that these predictions are made strictly for informational and entertainment purposes.

Anyone wagering on these prognostications does so at their own peril. After all, at my visit to the ophthalmologist yesterday, even though he certified my hindsight as 20/20, he said my “third eye” might need a little laser surgery. Some of these did look a little fuzzy.  

However, I haven’t missed a prediction in days.


Text Only
  • CHS SotfballSpence.jpg GC Softball: Playoff Time

    There  were some bumps on the road and slides in the standings and a few bruises along the way, but five Golden Circle teams have reached the softball playoffs that begin with first round games on Thursday.
    For Corsicana it was a wakeup call during the second half of district play that gave the Tigers the push they needed, and for Mildred it was the culmination of yet another splendid season as the Lady Eagles made the playoffs for the fifth straight season. Blooming Grove is back again, a regular in post season play with a chance to make a run, and Hubbard begins its quest to get to the state tournament and Austin with a one-game playoff on Thursday against Itasca in Italy.

    April 23, 2014 1 Photo

  • NVSBAhearn.jpg Navarro Softball: Bulldogs split with Kilgore, win final home game

    Kristen Ahearn was mad, steaming.
    Even her peanut butter and jelly sandwich that she ate between the doubleheader games didn't taste good. Nothing fit. Nothing was in sync. Nothing felt right or even tasted right.
    Then Ahearn found the cure.
    Simple enough: Just go out and blast a three-run homer.
    That's the short version of what happened Tuesday at Navarro College, where Ahearn's three-run bomb ignited the Bulldogs in the second game against Kilgore and Navarro went on to win 8-5 to close out its regular season with a bang and a smile from Ahearn.

    April 23, 2014 1 Photo

  • KerensBBAnderson.jpg GC Baseball: Kerens beats Cayuga 5-1, wins first district title since 1981

    The wait is over.
    And it came just in time for Brett Anderson, who left it all on the mound Tuesday night at Kerens, where he pitched a masterpiece to lead the Bobcats over Cayuga, 5-1, and help the program win its first baseball district title since 1981.
    “I've got no gas left. I'm out,'' said Anderson, a senior lefty who stopped Cayuga cold, holding the three-time defending district champs to just three singles while striking out 14.

    April 22, 2014 2 Photos

  • GC Basebal Roundup: Corsicana blasts Jacksonville; BG wins huge district game

    The Corsicana Tigers wrapped up district play with a dominating 9-0 win over the Jacksonville Indians behind Trevor Nolen, who shut out the Indians and allowed only one hit over 6 1/3 innings.  Donovan Fields came on to retire the final two hitters. The Tiger pitchers limited the Indians to only 25 plate appearances in the game and no runner to reach third base.

    April 22, 2014

  • 4-23-14 Rodeo clown.jpg Rodeo: Navarro County Derrick Days -- Burton is back

    He's back.
    Professional rodeo entertainer Ronald Burton returns to the Navarro County Exposition Center  April 25-26 to entertain the crowd at the 2014 Navarro County Derrick Days Pro Rodeo.

    April 22, 2014 1 Photo

  • Huggins rodeo Huggins to call shots at Derrick Days Rodeo

    West Huggins will serve as the announcer for the 2014 Navarro County Derrick Days Pro rodeo. The Gardendale native is the reigning three-time United Professional Rodeo Association Announcer of the Year.

    April 21, 2014 1 Photo

  • NC baseball Whoa 300th Dill gets 300th win in Navarro baseball sweep of Bossier Parish

    Navarro baseball’s weekend in Louisiana was significant on a number of fronts. On one hand, coach Whoa Dill notched his 300th win. On the other, and perhaps more importantly, the Bulldogs simply continued to play well. The Bulldogs swept Bossier Parish to move 14-11 in Region XIV East Zone play, and 27-17 overall.

    April 21, 2014 1 Photo

  • Mildred sending five to regional track meet

    Sasha Ballard set a school record in the 800 meters and paced a contingent of five Mildred thinclads heading to Stephenville for the regionals later this week.

    April 21, 2014

  • Kerens boys grab four gold medals at area track meet

    Tavion Hall and Jalon Moss each snared a pair of gold medals as Kerens boys finished second at their area track meet last week with 88 points.

    April 21, 2014

  • Area schedule for the week

    Here's a look at this week's schedule for Golden Ciircle teams and Navarro College. The schedule does not include upcoming bi-district playoff games in softball because times and sites have yet to be determined.

    April 18, 2014

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