Corsicana Daily Sun, Corsicana, Texas

November 10, 2013

Morgan: Can't wait for the Winter Olympics

By Ron Morgan
Corsicana Daily Sun

Corsicana — Boy, how time flies. It’s already time for the Winter Olympics again. It seems like it was just yesterday that I wasn’t watching the last batch. You would think that everyone would watch these snow and ice based activities, since they occur after the Super Bowl and before spring training when there is a major void in the sports world. There’s not much else to watch in February.  

Much like there’s not much reason to watch an NBA game until the final three or four minutes, there’s not much reason to watch that much until the playoffs. I wouldn’t watch a hockey game if they used Victoria Secret models as referees. Oh, and March Madness doesn’t start until March.

The 2014 version that I won’t watch is being held in Sochi, Russia. The last time any form of Olympics was held in Russia, it was known as the Soviet Union or USSR.  Back before they “tore down that wall,” we boycotted those Olympics. Jimmy Carter wouldn’t let our athletes go to Russia because they were occupying Afghanistan.

Surely, I don’t have to bring up the irony of that situation.

Why aren’t we boycotting these games?  Surely you don’t think that things are better in the gulag now than they were in 1980.

Oh, I know there is no longer a Soviet Union, there is no KGB and the communist party is dead, but is it really any different?

For one thing, Russia is harboring local hero/traitor (depending on your personal view of the man and his actions) Edward Snowden. In fact, Snowden has just found gainful employment in Russia in tech support.

Of course, in Russia tech support most probably consists of explaining to customers over the phone how to set the time on a VCR, where to find spare parts for a Betamax or which side of the cassette goes into the slot.

Didn’t President Putin put a stop to President Obama’s plans to go cowboy on Syria? Isn’t he the closest ally that Iran has? Didn’t Vladimir Putin just supplant Barack Obama as Forbe’s Most Powerful Man in the World? Doesn’t he go fly fishing topless?

Actually, earlier this year, the Russians handed out swag bags at the G20 Summit that contained items they could use to spy on the recipients.

Well, in the first place, isn’t that the realm of the NSA to spy on German, French, Brazilian and Mexican leaders, not the Kremlin’s? Secondly, who is dumb enough to trust the Russians? And finally, what kind of technology can you get from Russia? An I Pad from Eastern Europe is actually a Big Chief Tablet with a CBS logo on the front, and their stylus has a number two graphite tip.

Personally, I think that’s enough for us to boycott next year’s winter games.  Even though I wouldn’t watch it, there is a good chance that ABC could preempt”Dancing With the Stars”( something else I don’t watch) in order to show it.

However, my wife does watch DWS, and I like things to stay calm around my house. You know, “if mamma ain’t happy …”

Besides, aren’t winter Olympics kind of anti-Islamic? What Middle Eastern country has skiers, figure skaters or snowboarders?

How tough would it be for any self-respecting jihadist to load explosives onto a snowmobile? Does anyone even make a parka with a built-in burka?

The IOC (International Olympic Committee) is sort of a mini version of the UN which makes it about as useless as a screen door on a submarine. If it works anything like the UN, then either Russia or China can veto anything we want to do. So, let’s take our skates and go home.

Better yet, the Occupy Wall Street crowd has nothing to do right now. I almost feel sorry for them. After being in the public eye for a few months, they’ve just fizzled. Everything they hate about America is bound to be multiplied by a factor of at least ten in Russia.

 They can go over and foul Russia’s parks, clog the toilets at the local borscht joints and smell up the town. Then, once the Olympics are over, we can just leave them there. That’ll teach Putin to mess with us. We’ll go Jimmy Carter on him and throw in the anarchists as a bonus.