Corsicana Daily Sun, Corsicana, Texas

Sports

August 31, 2013

Morgan: Manziel and the grassy knoll

Corsicana — Who doesn’t love a good conspiracy theory? Come on, admit it. We may not boast about it, but deep down, we all think there are pernicious forces behind a lot of occurrences that we don’t always understand. We tend to think that if something appears to be too simple…well, there’s a hidden reason.

We’re talking grassy knoll here.  Sure, the Warren Commission said that Oswald did it, and that he acted alone. That’s just not sexy. We know that there was a reason LBJ locked all the evidence up. If he wasn’t involved, then the Cubans were, or maybe Carlos Marcello and the mafia. Or, could the CIA have been behind it.

I have an old “friend” from my school days that is a habitual poster on Facebook. He’s into every conspiracy on the face of the earth. He is convinced that the big pharmaceutical companies are in cahoots with thousands of doctors and hospitals, the federal government and the CDC to cover up “natural cures” like marijuana so that Big Pharma can keep making billions by selling us drugs that don’t cure anything.

He also finds a conspiracy by the same group of suspects in pushing and even requiring vaccinations. He’s convinced that vaccinations cause awful things, and that they have never prevented anything.

Just this morning, I discovered that he is also a “Truther.” He thinks that 9/11 and the collapsing towers in New York City was an inside job.

So, what have you heard about Johnny Football’s game suspension? The NCAA said that they found no evidence that Manziel took money for autographing items. They called it an inadvertent violation of the rule about signing anything that could be sold by someone else. Inadvertent? He just happened to sign 4,000 articles because he was working on his penmanship?

Surely, the light sentence wasn’t because he’s the reigning Heisman Trophy winner. They wouldn’t look down the road just a couple of weeks to when the national ranked Aggies play the defending national champion and current No. 1 team in the nation Crimson Tide on national TV, would they? Surely, such a huge TV audience wouldn’t sway them, would it? I’m sure they investigated this every bit as closely as they did Cam Newton’s daddy trying to sell Cam to the highest SEC bidder.

Then we have the curious story about Jay Ratliff.  I’m sure you remember Jay being injured back on November 18th last season. Do you remember the locker room dust up between Jay and Jerry around December 2nd? Jerry gave Jay an atta boy and we sure need you out there. Jay didn’t take it as an atta boy, and confronted Jerry.

Jay had offseason surgery by someone other than the Cowboys’ preferred provider (to put it in insurance terms), followed by rehab with someone other than Cowboy personnel. When training camp started, everyone had to take the conditioning test. In that test, the former All Pro nose guard tweaked a hamstring and had to sit out all of training camp.

    Now Ratliff has been placed on the physically unable to perform list (the PUP list), meaning he will have to miss at least the first six games. In a rare moment when he actually spoke to the press, Jay said, “Everyone knows it’s not due to a hamstring.” It can’t be everyone. I didn’t know it.

Has Jay Ratliff played his last game as a Cowboy? Will Jerry cut him? Remember, Ratliff still has a DUI trial waiting for him after the season. Is that Jerry up on that grassy knoll?

And, what about all the conspiracy theories surrounding President Obama? Do you remember the ‘09 Easter present for the Obama daughters? The president gave them a Portuguese water dog. You mean an American dog isn’t good enough? Yeah, I read the stories. I know that Bo (if that’s his real name) supposedly came from Boyd, Texas. I’ve been through Boyd many times. The most fru fru dog in Boyd is a Labradoodle that someone brought in from New York City (let’s say it together: NEW YORK CITY.)

Now, he’s bought the girls another Portuguese water dog named Sunny. I have a friend who has a hair dresser who knows a man who has seen Sunny’s papers. Sunny was born in Kenya, and the pedigree was signed by Johnny Manziel. Just sayin’.

 

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