Corsicana Daily Sun, Corsicana, Texas

November 2, 2013

Morgan: It's trophy madness

By Ron Morgan
Corsicana Daily Sun

Corsicana — The Keller Youth Football Association has made national news. From now on, they will no longer give every player a trophy just for playing. Trophies will be reserved for the team that wins the championship. I have seen the president of the association on the news several times over the past few days explaining the concept.

My next book (Okay, technically my first book, but it can be both can’t it? I mean, my next sub 70 round of golf will also be my first. Of course, a book is more of a possibility than a sub 70 round, but I digress.) will either be titled “The Obamification of the American Wussy” or “The Wussification of Obama’s America” (I’m torn.) will cover just such a topic. (Maybe I did hear a similar title from TV’s Andy Levy, but he hasn’t copyrighted it or anything.)

Now, don’t think for a minute that this will become a trend. The trophy lobby is just so powerful, that I think a congressional investigation is just around the corner. There are too many corporate interests here for this to catch on nationally. Just think about all the people who depend on the trophy industry for their livelihood. The International Brotherhood of Trophy Makers is, as we speak, planning a Million Engraver March on Washington.

 Once again it is the big money corporate interests vs. the common man, not to mention the environmental interests.  I’ve seen the videos where residences near engraving sights can light their tap water. A coincidence? I don’t think so.

Those of us who oppose the “green” participation ribbons on Field Day face an uphill battle. The trophy industry is composed of the huge plastics industrial complex, marble miners all over the world and the guys who pose to be sculpted as football players, baseball players, soccer players, golfers, tennis players and flutists.

When I was heading up Tee Ball at Beebe Field many years ago, we didn’t do “everybody gets a trophy.”  After every game, we gave everyone a snow cone. We fought to keep our money in the local economy, not filling the coffers of the wealthy corporate interests. Trophies wind up in the attic. Red syrup winds up on baseball jerseys putting hundreds if not thousands of quarters in the local washeterias.

Everyone getting a trophy is the first step towards socialism. I maintain that it started with the Europeans bringing soccer over to the U.S.  Knee socks and red cards (not red, white and blue cards)? Think about it. It’s as insidious as digital watches.

What’s next? High school athletics will put four teams from every district into the playoffs therefore spreading the wealth… er… glory. What? They already do that? It’s worse than I thought. They’ll be promising a chicken in every pot and an award on every mantle. You played? Then, you’re All District. It serves them right. A playoff team with a losing record should have to face Southlake Carroll in the first round.

Of course, Keller could just be a smoke screen. The KYFA could just be allowed to do that so that the bureaucrats in Washington can say, “Look, we allowed trophies to be rationed in Texas” in a plot to hide their true intentions. Next thing you know, they’ll be saying, “If you like your trophy, you can keep it.”

How will Hollywood react? Will Scarlett Johansson come out in favor of plaques? Will Sean Penn visit the sweatshops in China where they’re made? Will Michael Douglas do a public service announcement featuring a little gold plastic figurine? We all know they worship graven images in Hollywood. Oscars for everyone with red carpets down every sidewalk could change the Left Coast entirely.

Now, I could be a bit hasty with all of this. Snow cones for trophies might not always be wise. As you know, I live in Trophy Club, Texas. Snow Cone Club just doesn’t have quite the same ring to it now does it?