Corsicana Daily Sun, Corsicana, Texas


January 4, 2013

Morgan: ‘Duck Dynasty’ is a better watch than watered down bowls

You might think that this time of year is heaven for anyone into sports. Well think again. Why do you think I spend my time watching Duck Dynasty? I hate this time of year for sports.

Obviously, it’s been over 16 years since a diehard Cowboys fan could get excited this time of year. I knew going into the Redskins game that a win would only prolong the inevitable for one week.  The Cowboys making a playoff run? PUHLLLEEEEEEZZZZE! But, that’s another column all together.

Ah, but we have the college bowl season: the culmination of a 12-game NCAA season highlighted by bowl games. Yeah, right. You’ve seen the lineup. You know the process. With the exception of, at the most, three bowl games, bowl season has about as much appeal as a Kathy Griffin comedy special (even if Anderson Cooper makes a guest appearance).

To be “bowl eligible” you have to win six games, or be no worse than .500. Let’s see, you start the season playing three no-name programs (an automatic three wins unless you’re Michigan and are dumb enough to schedule Jerry Moore and Appalachia State). So, in all honesty, if you can win three games against reasonable opponents, you can play in a bowl game. Talk about watered down…

Remember when you got that 44-ounce soft drink at Sonic, then left it in the car in 100 degree heat for a couple of hours. That’s what the first 25 bowl games are like.

But, isn’t that what we’ve been fostering for the past 20 years? Isn’t this like giving everyone a participation ribbon? We can’t have winners. That would hurt the self-image of the losers (Strike that. We can’t call anyone a loser.)

Everyone plays.

Everyone succeeds.

Everyone gets a trophy and a snowcone.

Once upon a time, and it was so long ago it feels like a fairy tale, there were perhaps four decent bowl games.  There might be one decent game on New Year’s Eve, then you had the Cotton, the Rose and the Orange Bowls on New Year’s Day, and you dare not miss one of those.

Did you catch what was on this year on New Year’s Day? It was harder to swallow than leftover black eyed peas, boiled cabbage and stale corn bread. I’d rather have a Red Baron frozen pizza.

And, it’s not just on the college level. It has trickled down to the high school level. You now have four teams make the playoffs from every district. I realize that it’s a money issue, but that makes that two hour old Sonic coke sound strong.  Some districts only have six teams.  Don’t tell me that the fourth best team out of six should be in the playoffs.  

And to think, I thought having the second-place team make the playoffs was a bad idea. Can you imagine some 3-7 team playing Southlake, Trinity or Allen? If that doesn’t hurt your self-image, I don’t know what would. The winners of a lot of districts have no business playing those teams. Can you just imagine a fourth-place team taking them on?

I guess that lets you brag that you were a playoff team or that you went to a bowl game, but don’t you think that Daniel might have been able to claim that he used to be a lion tamer (come on, it’s a biblical reference)? It’s like Al Gore being able to say he owns a cable network. He doesn’t have to mention that his viewership is in double digits, or that he only gets MSNBC rejects to host shows. “Yep, we came in second place in the Beef O’Brady Bowl or the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl (honest to goodness bowl names).

So, now you know why I get so excited when I see a Duck Dynasty marathon is coming on.

I’d rather watch Si Robertson make duck call reeds than watch the Maaco Bowl.

And, you can take that to the bank, Jack.

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