Corsicana Daily Sun, Corsicana, Texas

November 25, 2012

Morgan: End of the world?

I’ll buy the fruitcake if the Mayans are right

By Ron Morgan
Corsicana Daily Sun

Corsicana — I have pooh-poohed the idea of the Mayan calendar and the end of the world coming on 12/21/12.  I figured that any civilization that couldn’t come up with the wheel or the internet certainly couldn’t figure out just when the world would end. However, I’ve started seeing signs, and my beliefs are starting to waiver.  Could the almost extinct Central Americans be onto something? I’ll let you be the judge.

Twinkies, which have long been rumored to have a shelf life longer than that of an Australian tortoise, are about to be a thing of the past. Some writers have suggested that the only things left on earth after a nuclear winter would be cock roaches and Twinkies.  And, now they say that this is the end of Twinkies as we know them? If that’s not a sign, I don’t know what is. Don’t even get me started on Ding Dongs.

    Two weeks ago, the Aggies went into Tuscaloosa and beat number one ranked and defending national champion Alabama. If that’s not enough, they did it with a freshman quarterback who has more magic spells than they teach at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  Forget the name Johnny Football. That’s got to be Harry Potter escaping the best defense in the country. I’m convinced Alabama is only back in the BCS championship picture because it falls AFTER 12/21/12.

San Francisco is considering a city ordinance banning public nudity.  No, it’s not Tulsa or Little Rock, but San Francisco.  I haven’t read the proposed ordinance, but it wouldn’t surprise me if it also required them to cover up in white robes. ‘Nuff said.

Michael Irvin has joined Jerry Jones in talking about the possibility of the Cowboys playing in the Super Bowl. He says that the only team that worries him as someone standing between the Cowboys and a trip to the Big Easy next February is the Packers. I know. I know. He even offered to take a drug test! Does he have inside knowledge that next February will never get here?

Dick Morris predicted that Mitt Romney would win the presidential election in a landslide. It’s obvious that Dick is no Mayan…or is he?

The Middle East is burning right now.  Israel and the Palestinians are on the brink of war.  The U.S. is on the edge of the fiscal cliff with a possible recession hanging in the balance.  And, President Obama is in Burma. As far as I know, there aren’t any democratic donors or even golf courses in Burma. The president has access to a lot more intelligence than we do. Does he know something about 12/21 that we don’t?  Who else would know more about signs than Burma where, I think, they invented shaving cream?

Where do we find the most convincing sign? I think that’s pretty obvious. In Waco, the true believers have been known to bring offerings of gold, frankincense and myrrh to lay at the portrait of Grant Teaff. That picture has now been painted over with the likeness of Art Briles.  

The Baylor Bears, who were once disparaged by a local writer (who shall remain nameless) as a team that shouldn’t have been included as a Big Twelve member, just pulled an A&M. The Brazos Baptists went into a game against the number one ranked Kansas State Wildcats with a losing record. Not only did the Bears beat K State, they annihilated them. On top of that, they did it post Robert Griffin III (Once rumored to be a messianic figure in his own right.).

So, in the presence of such overwhelming evidence, I’m proud to announce that I’m buying Deluxe Fruitcakes for everyone in Corsicana for Christmas if the Mayans were correct. If they were wrong, it’s back to the lump of coal that I had already planned.